I was one amongst millions that watched Prince William kiss his wife on the balcony at Buckhingam’s and feel happy for the duo if not slightly jealous as well. The extravaganza aside I also noticed like many, the poise and composure that HRH Kate (her title is two lines long…) was able to bring forward. Not very unlike her deceased mother-in-law the loved Princess Di, Kate is the new poster girl for Britain’s monarchy.
Technical rants aside, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would really feel like to be picked off the usual routine and thrust into royalty by way of romance. And what would happen if such a situation should befall me? (Okay stop laughing people. I said stop). As unimaginable as it may be I did go ahead and wonder about the changes I may have to make to my lifestyle if a Prince comes knocking on my door (technically the huge landlady downstairs at my hostel wouldn’t allow him up the stairs!)
1) For starters I may have to change the way I look and that translates as going from potential-Prince looks to showing I am actually potential-Princess (ok. That meant I have to quit being a tomboy)
2) I may have to hit the gym with a vengeance and lose anything even remotely related to fatty acids in my constitution.
3) My wardrobe would probably be incinerated and I would have to be the subject of final year projects for fashion technology students crafting a makeover.
4) Royal hair and makeup artists would have their greatest nightmare come true the former trying to locate the hair on my head in an attempt to style it and the latter pondering over their kits to figure out how not to make me appear bleached in pictures and stop me from sweating all over their meticulously applied layers.
5) I would definitely have to give up my run-in-the-place-of-walk gait because that would only leave the Prince panting after me up the driveway and that would be a Royal mess. They would probably recommend watching reruns of The Princess Diaries all day long though I doubt if I would get to meet with the Queen. She’s not my grandma anyway so I guess we can skip that!
6) I would need vocabulary lessons. Not to increase mine but slow it down by the speed of light. There is no use if the Prince or any one for that matter doesn’t understand what dialogue I rapidly delivered a second ago.
7) I would probably need to restack my bookshelf with more literature than Cook, Crichton, Follet, Sheldon and Archer. It would save my erm…bottom from trouble if someone were to question me about the arts and my reply need not necessarily be “Oh! I didn’t know Mikey wrote that!”
8) I would have to learn to laugh and smile with grace and poise. Pictures from my college farewell and trips to the theatre with me for a comedy film would certainly leave no doubt that 'guffaw' and 'roar' are the terms currently used to describe my laughter.
9) My sarcasm would definitely have to disappear because when the Queen goes “I am the Queen of so and so” it would be a little inappropriate for me to respond with a “And I am the Queen of England!”
10) I would have to stop jumping up and crying murder at provocative comments, smart takes and silly not so funny PJ’s. Apparently Princesses don’t do that. Atleast not openly on FB!
That’s a tiny list but sums up pretty much everything that has to go. Well if all this indeed ‘goes’ then I wonder what would be left of me for the Prince to love if at all he fell for ‘me’ in the 1st place. I would still be a perfect Princess and wave to the crowd and curtsey before the Queen but it would just be my ghost in Royal attire for nothing of my soul would be left!
But, if there is the assurance that my Prince would be this man that can stand up there in front of everyone, look up when I enter and say “You look beautiful…I love you for who you are at heart beneath the demands of protocol” I would gladly do everything on that list without the slightest blink of an eye! By the looks of it Kate has found exactly this guy and the happiness on her face said it all. And that’s probably why she braved the Palace, Royalty, the paparazzi and millions of well wishers to claim her ticket to a happily ever after.
Coming back to me. Well….any Princes on FB that read Crichton???
Image courtesy: The Telegraph